The world as we know it today is hella hectic, and its demands may end up dictating your relationship rather than the other way around. There are many casualties of this, but sexual intimacy bears the brunt. Lack of time due to busy and clashing schedules coupled with stress makes it difficult for couples to find time for sex.
If your partner wants better or frequent sex, the first step is to prioritize it as you do other things in your life. And what better way to do this than go on a sexcation together.
A sexcation is a vacation explicitly dedicated to reconnecting intimately with your partner. Ideally, a sexcation should last for 3-4 days. These days should be entirely committed to your partner away from all the stress of your routine life. Now, the question that begs is; How do you plan a sexcation to ensure maximum success?
1. Overcome The Obstacles
The time might seem not right for a sexcation with your partner. You may be thinking of your kids or lack of time, money, energy, etc. Though it may seem like a less than ideal time for a sexcation, I urge you to consider your options with an open mind.
First, let’s talk about time. How have you divided your time? Are your kids, your work, family, visits or projects taking up most of your time? Though these factors are essential, you need to ask yourself where your relationship fits. A vibrant romantic relationship is something most people desire yet they do not allow themselves to prioritize it fully. If its hard for you to go on a sexcation for consecutive days, why not start with a single day and gauge its success?
Let’s consider the financial aspect. Note that a sexcation is not all about extravagance. The main aim of a sexcation is spending quality time together. A sexcation may even be in your house f you do not have enough finances to plan a trip.
Now, you may have kids. Now here childcare becomes an issue. If this is the case, you need to come up with creative solutions. You may plan your time so that you are all free when the baby sleeps; because as a parent, you should know the times your baby sleeps. In the case of toddlers or children, why not take them to one of your family members for the weekend and use that time alone to connect or reconnect intimately.
It’s not an easy task, but all you need is persistence. These instructions are going to help you connect or reconnect if you feel like you’ve been distant from each other.
2. Creating A Perfect Oasis
Once you have overcome the time constraints and already decided on a location for the sex-cation, now you are left with the task of creating an oasis. First, create a buffer between your normal life stresses and your intimate time together. Make the first day a buffer day. If the sexcation is for a short period, say a two-day thing, then do not waste the first full day as a buffer day. Shorten the period according to the time you have.
The buffer day is when you consider what you need to do to feel present with your partner. If you have unfinished work from the week, make sure you complete it. However, this should not take more than an hour. If you had issues during the week, you MIGHT discuss them IF you feel it can be done respectfully and you can come to a conclusion. Spend less than an hour on this. If it cannot be discussed and resolved calmly, make a pact that you will set aside that issue while on the sexcation. This is not the time for bickering and fighting; you are there to reconnect and focus on things you love about each other.
Once the loose ends have been wrapped up, you should all engage in self-care activities for the rest of the buffer day. This Is how you should practice self-care;
- Rest. You may also get some sleep
- Tune into your thoughts, concentrate on your feelings and sensations using mindfulness
- Express yourself; what are your emotions or the stresses you have been going through
- Soothe yourself
I’m not saying that this is the only way to go. Everyone is unique, and you should figure out what works for you and come up with your self-care plan. Some people may want to meditate, go hiking, listen to music. Do whatever you know works for you.
3. Intellectual And Emotional Foreplay
Once the buffer period has ended, you are now free to enter your oasis together. The entire sexcation from this point onwards should be dedicated to foreplay. Foreplay starts long before the clothes come off. One aspect of foreplay is emotional or mental foreplay.
You may use the following prompts;
- Share memories of how you met, what attracted you towards each other and what feelings were elicited during the time you were dating.
- Share the things you like about each other.
- Each one of you should create a bucket list, share it with the other and discuss it.
- Each of you should share the five memorable moments of your relationship.
- Watch a movie together and discuss it later. The movie should ideally be thought-provoking or humorous. Or you may discuss a book you all read.
4. Now Get Sexy
Once you are emotionally and intellectually stimulated, now you can start incorporating conventional foreplay that involves sensual touching. Have an idea beforehand of what type of lovemaking you’d want. Do you enjoy feeling fun and flirty? Seductive and sultry? Sweet and sensual? Or are you one who loves a combination of all the above?
Create an environment where both of you are safe to share your desires. Judging and criticizing should have no place in your oasis. Remember that a sexcation should focus on doing things both of you will enjoy. It is not a time to push the other’s boundaries.
Have a menu of all the sensual activities you like, for example;
- Kinky play
- Oral sex-cation
- Extended kissing
- Exploring your partner’s erogenous zones
- Sensate focus
- Mutual masturbation
Find things that set the mood. You may opt to use music, scents from candles or lotion, or even beautiful fabric. Use erotic art or stories to set the perfect mood. Bring any sexy games, sex toys, lingerie or any other outfit you may want to use. Stay well hydrated, fed and rested. All in all, remember that the primary goal of the exercise is connection and enjoyment for both of you.
If your aim is the restoration of sexual intimacy in your relationship, you should consider contacting a sex therapist or couple counselor.